


Content When I'm With You

by SteveLovesBucky



Series: Time Heals All Wounds [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brother-Sister Relationships, Bucky Barnes & Becky Barnes Proctor, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Feels, Childhood Friends, Childhood Sweethearts, Crying Bucky Barnes, Established Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Falling In Love, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Memory Alteration, Men Crying, Minor Wanda Maximoff/Vision, One True Pairing, Pietro Maximoff Lives, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Siblings, Protective Steve Rogers, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Romantic Fluff, Sexy Times, Songfic, Steve Rogers Cries, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, True Love, Vision (Marvel) Lives, Wedding Fluff, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24550699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteveLovesBucky/pseuds/SteveLovesBucky
Summary: At their wedding, Steve and Bucky remember how their romance began and unfolded, from first kiss to their current celebration.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Wanda Maximoff/Vision
Series: Time Heals All Wounds [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761274
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	Content When I'm With You

**Author's Note:**

> I instantly liked the song “Dela” by Johnny Clegg and Savuka when I first heard it (in “George of the Jungle”); I can totally envision this song for Steve and Bucky.
> 
> The lyrics “Dela ngyanya” are Zulu and mean “content” or “having enough” (approximating to “content when I am with you”). In this context, being contented with someone else’s love.
> 
> And “sondela” means “approach”. Here “sondela mama” means “come closer mama”; the speaker is urging his lover (a woman in the song) to come closer in his embrace.

Steve and Bucky were giddy with euphoria as their family, biological in the case of Becky and her progeny, by association with their team, gave their speeches at the wedding reception.  
They couldn’t believe their good luck that they were finally able to marry, after decades of waiting as HYDRA had interfered with their lives and sociopolitical sensibilities became more welcoming toward couples like them.

While Wakanda had not been quite what they expected for their wedding venue, expecting Brooklyn, they were more than honored that King T’Challa himself was officiating for them and awestruck at the beauty and sophistication of the Central African nation.

“I remember when I first suspected that you were in love with each other,” Becky’s eyes were misty with the recollection, “I always knew that you could not have been closer friends, but there was always a sense that you seemed a bit shy around each other from the time that you were both about thirteen or fourteen. I was just a kid, but I could sense that you were smitten with each other.”

Both grooms blushed, amazed that even Bucky’s kid sister could see that they had enormous crushes on each other. They knew that they had to be discrete, even among family and friends, but they never knew that Becky had suspected them even before they became a couple.

“When you were sixteen, that’s when I could really see you both twitterpated with each other and I know now that that must’ve been when you actually became a couple.”

She laughed, “You were both so surprised that I wasn’t surprised!”  
That sure got a laugh out of everybody, a few of whom commented on how cute it sounded.  
Steve and Bucky were a bit embarrassed at the memory, but they were also laughing. The realization that, even from the beginning, people were affirming them as a couple delighted them.

They both remembered when they met at age seven, when Bucky saved Steve from several bullies. Bucky, for reasons that he did not quite yet understand, felt irresistibly drawn to this fragile but courageous blond boy while Steve, in turn, did not understand why he himself was awestruck from the moment that Bucky offered his hand to him.

“Steve Rogers,” Steve had blushed a bit but held steady after Bucky helped him stand.  
“The name’s James Buchanan Barnes, but my best friends call me ‘Bucky’.”

Why they felt so powerfully connected to each other they did not know, but they had hit it off instantly and had been the best friends ever since. Steve was small for his age, scrawny and asthmatic, but he was scrappy and never backed down from what he thought was right. Steve’s fragile body and plucky nature surprised Bucky, who from their first meeting wanted to protect him against all comers.

Their friendship continued to thrive as they grew, although adolescence began to test them as they began to enter adulthood. And their awakening hormones quickly enlightened them to something fundamental to their natures: both of them found other boys attractive.  
Neither would know until age sixteen that they both shared the attraction to other boys, or that their close friendship would soon blossom into something more.

Bucky did not know that Steve worshiped him, admired Bucky not just for his vim and vigor but also because he was so selfless and loving to Steve, because he was standing up for the little guy, because he was looking out for Steve. And Steve, aside from the frustration of drowning in hormones and the fact that they hardly had any affect on his growth, felt like he was drowning when he saw Bucky easily chatting with girls.  
Steve had managed not to show it, but he felt like crying when he saw Bucky flirting with girls, like his heart was in a vice.  
Steve, likewise, did not know that Bucky adored Steve for his fighting spirit and his conviction, despite his delicate health, adored Steve for wanting to stand up to bullies. Although Bucky was usually aggravated by Steve’s continual defiance of the rules, he also admired the integrity that Steve showed.  
Unknown to Steve, Bucky was overwhelmed when he saw Steve; for all Steve’s fire and fighting spirit, Steve almost looked angelically beautiful to Bucky. Even more painful for Bucky was that he was terrified that Steve would not survive his latest asthma attack or another harsh New York winter. 

Steve had began the conversation that would determine their future.

“I know you’re probably mad disgusted Bucky, but I just have to say it,” Steve trembled as he confessed. He felt that he owed it to Bucky, since they swore that they would not keep secrets from each other.  
“I know that it’s sick, it ain’t natural according to the Bible, but it’s how I feel about ya,” Steve trembled as he gazed into Bucky’s eyes, scared to death about what this confession would bring.  
But Steve was not expecting that Bucky’s answer was to pull him in close for a passionate kiss.  
“I’ve been dyin’ to tell ya how much I love ya, Stevie!” Bucky had said as he hugged Steve eagerly.  
Steve had looked up at Bucky after the kiss and, through a haze of tears, he saw Bucky smiling at him with pure joy, a joy that they were relieved was mutual.

Then again, Steve felt a twinge of pain as sudden, disturbing images of Bucky flashed across his mind.  
Whether they were memories of a nightmare Steve wasn’t sure, but some heartbreaking vision of Bucky, just out of Steve’s reach, falling from the train in the Alps during the war, Steve himself awakening after seventy years in ice to a very different world without Bucky, and then finding Bucky reappearing as a brainwashed HYDRA assassin with a vibranium arm and no memory of Steve.  
In this vision, Steve had kept trying to reach Bucky, who only answered with attacks and repeated denials that he knew him. Steve could not believe the weight of his own anguish; Bucky just had to be in there…!

The strange vision faded from his mind as he brought himself back to their wedding reception.  
“Babe, are you all right?” Bucky put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.  
“Yeah,” Steve instantly felt better with Bucky’s affection, breaking his reverie, “Yeah, I’m all right sweetheart… thank you-!”

_One day I looked up and there you were  
Like a simple question looking for an answer  
Now I am the whale listening to some inner call  
Swimming blindly to throw myself upon your shore  
What if I don't find you when I have landed  
Would you leave me here to die on your shore stranded_

They did not dare speak a word to anybody but their most trusted friends and family if they knew what was good for them, but Steve And Bucky felt like yelling from the rooftops, announcing to the world that they loved each other.

Becky still thought that the look on their faces was priceless after they told her that they were a couple; she told them that she wasn’t surprised at all. Their stricken surprise still made her laugh, and she warmly voiced her support for them, promising that their secret was safe with her. And it was safe; Winifred Barnes never said anything about it to them, even though there were times that she seemed to suspect.  
Sarah Rogers, on the other hand, had already guessed their secret and she kept her silence about it to her death; she loved her son too much to care that he was in love with his best friend.

While finding moments just for themselves had been difficult when they were still living with Bucky’s family, Steve and Bucky had managed to enjoy each other in any secluded place that they could find.  
After they had moved into their own apartment, even if it was a dingy little tenement apartment, they had finally been free to do what they wanted with each other. They had already mastered keeping silent the whole time that they were engaged in something intimate and they were not about to take the chance that their neighbors would discover them.  
They often went without food and electricity when their money ebbed, something that scared Bucky to death since Steve was already susceptible to nearly any illness. But they were happy to cuddle and kiss, to take a moment for themselves in the middle of a meager existence.

And, as poor as they might have been, it was a dream-come-true for both of them. Bucky and Steve had seen each other naked, but that they were now free to admire and enjoy each other’s bodies without shame and simply be themselves was nothing short of a miracle for them.

“Bucky…!” Bucky had almost laughed as he saw Steve looking at him naked for their first romantic experience. His big blue eyes were wide, his whole face a mix of desire and wonder.

“Gosh, you’re gorgeous Bucky…!”

“So’re you, Babydoll…!” Bucky was just as captivated by Steve’s form. As tiny and thin as Steve had been, he was beautiful.

They gasped as their naked bodies met in an embrace. They had dreamed of this for a long time.

“You happy, Sweetie?” Steve looked earnestly into Bucky’s face.

“Happy doesn’t even begin to cover it, Doll,” Bucky’s blue-grey eyes were soft and warm, intoxicated with their mutual joy.

\-----

Their first time together in the army after Steve had saved Bucky and his men from HYDRA, Bucky was still incredulous that Steve was not a sick little twig anymore, but that Steve now had to lower his gaze a bit to meet Bucky’s eyes and that Steve had become stronger than him.

They were forced to keep silent, for fear that their comrades would discover them, but it was second nature to them.  
Bucky was a bit frustrated that he couldn’t closely admire Steve’s new muscular body, since they would have given a very awkward shadow-play in their tent if their lamp was on. But he figured that there would be time for that later.  
“I still can’t believe that it’s you, Stevie,” Bucky was almost inaudible as his eyes went wide on seeing Steve’s nakedness for the first time in too long.  
“It’s me, Bucky,” Steve reassured as he pulled Bucky into a tender embrace, giving him a loving kiss, “I know that you’ll probably be mad at me later for all the chances I took, but I just had to do it. I had to be with you… when I heard that you and the troops were captured, I just had to get you out of there…! Oh, Sweetie…!”

“Steve…! C’mere, Babe…!” Bucky ignored his anger with Steve for doing something so reckless. They were together. That was all that mattered.

"You're keeping the outfit, aren't you?" Bucky couldn't help asking. He and Steve chuckled, grateful for some levity, "Seriously Stevie, you're so cute anyway and the costume really makes you even more handsome...!"

"You're cute yourself, Soldier...!"

_Chorus:  
I think I know why the dog howls at the moon  
I think I know why the dog howls at the moon  
I sing dela, dela  
Ngyanya  
Dela  
When I'm with you  
Dela, sondela mama  
Sondela, I burn for you_

_I've been waiting for you all my life hoping for a miracle  
I've been waiting day and night, day and night  
I've been waiting for you all my life waiting for redemption  
I've been waiting day and night, I burn for you_

“Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky,” a strangely familiar sentiment resonated in Steve’s heart, mind, and soul.

After Bucky was shipped off for active duty, Steve became even more determined to enlist, despite his health problems. He didn’t care anymore what it took, he couldn’t stand that he couldn’t be with the man he loved.

Thank goodness that Erskine had offered him the chance to test the serum. Steve had agreed on the spot, indifferent to the pitfalls that it would bring.

Even in training, Steve was still the target of bullies, never mind that they were supposed to be united against a common enemy. Steve managed to take it all in stride, since it was hardly different, but that Bucky wasn’t there made it even harder for him.

Even in his bedroll at night, when Steve was by himself, he kept himself poker-faced, only allowing himself to cry silently. He was naturally tactile and needed physical affection, something that he had trouble finding here since he couldn’t cuddle with Bucky.  
_Bucky-!_ Steve truly wanted to stand up to Hitler and his cronies, to defeat any bullies, but since the war had taken Bucky from him Steve had even greater determination to go. The man he loved more than his own skin could be in danger and it broke Steve’s heart.  
Images of Bucky’s face played across his mind most intensely at night. Whether Bucky’s face was cocky and mischievous, flirtatious, tender, or heartrendingly sad, Steve saw it all and he found himself fighting with his own tears.  
_“I’m coming, Bucky-! I don’t care how, I’m coming for you Sweetie-!”_ Steve thought as he gritted his teeth. The serum just had to work-! He just had to join Bucky’s battalion!

While the serum had been a great success and Steve had proven himself invaluable in battle, Steve’s memories were still interrupted by those horrific visions of Bucky being torn from him multiple times.  
First the fall from the train, then Bucky nearly beating Steve to death before remembering who he was, then Bucky going into a cryo chamber until Shuri could find a way to stabilize his tormented mind, and finally the image of Bucky turning to ash right in front of him. After these separations, Steve saw himself constantly red-eyed and crying himself to sleep, alone at night.

Steve still wasn’t sure what to think of these nightmarish images, but as long as Bucky was beside him, alive and healthy and safe, Steve figured that he would be all right.

He and Bucky beamed at each other as they applauded and congratulated Wanda and Vision on their new family addition.

\-----

Bucky’s eyesight blurred as thoughts of Steve crossed his mind. He quickly blinked his watering eyes as he turned his attention back to training, although that did not stop the dull ache in his heart that he had always thought hurt more than any of the physical injuries that he had sustained.  
_“I miss you so much, Babydoll…!”_ Bucky’s mind kept saying as he tried not to think of Steve and instead concentrate on his preparation for the war that he wanted to avoid but knew was inevitable.

Bucky was not the only new soldier who had cried because he missed somebody he loved, but he still could only talk about Steve in a coded way, as his “gal back home”. Always describing “her” as this petite blue-eyed blonde, just a fragile little slip of a thing but with enough fire in her to take on Hitler’s whole army.  
More than a few of his new comrades recognized that he never gave this girl’s name or that he seemed hesitant to go into any deeper detail, but they didn’t press it.

The nights sleeping, or trying to sleep, by himself in his bedroll, during and outside missions, only reminded Bucky even more that Steve couldn’t be there. It was then that he felt safe enough to cry. Steve’s face and his bright smile, as well as his broken look as they said goodbye, it all came back to him in a torrent.  
That scrawny little punk who was too stubborn to back down from a fight, Bucky was ready to follow him into the jaws of death if that’s what fate dictated.

And Bucky was sure that that’s where he was going when HYDRA took him and the regiment hostage, when he was one of the men whom Zola chose for his sadistic experiments.  
Bucky’s concern even then was not for himself, but for Steve. Where would Steve go? What would he do? He had steeled himself and tried to ignore the unbearable ache in his heart as he resigned himself, thinking that he would never see Steve again. Would never again see that scrappy, stubborn, but goddamned cute and admirable little punk.

_“Bucky-! Bucky, it’s Steve-! I’m gonna get you out of here!”_

Bucky wasn’t sure if he was dreaming of Steve’s voice. It seemed distant to him, but it came from just beside the table where he’d been strapped. Bucky’s eyes shot open.

A strapping soldier was frantically snapping the bonds, freeing Bucky. “Bucky, Sweetie, I’m here! We have to leave-!”  
This tall, muscular soldier had Steve’s voice, had his beautiful face.  
It couldn’t be. Bucky was sure that it had to be a hallucination, but all the evidence screamed that this was very real.  
_“Stevie-?!?”_  
“I thought you were dead-!” Steve looked him right in the eye, those big blue eyes that he was sure that he would never see again just resonated pain and relief.  
“I thought you were smaller-!”  
Steve almost laughed as he half-dragged Bucky through the corridors. They would laugh later, not when they had to escape.

_A blind bird sings inside the cage that is my heart  
The image of your face comes to me when I am alone in the dark  
If I could give a shape to this ache that I have for you  
If I could find the voice that says the words that capture you_

Steve and Bucky were in tears as Steve returned from his mission to return the Infinity Stones. They were happy, relieved tears, but tears all the same. For reasons that they were beginning to forget, they hugged and kissed each other like they were terrified that they would be parted at any second. 

While Bucky had wanted to ask T’Challa where he could find the best ring with which to propose to Steve, there had been too many matters that were more urgent. Bucky figured that he could now approach the king with that question, but to his surprise Steve had beaten him to it.  
“Bucky, I have lost you more times than I have ever expected to happen,” Steve had dropped to his knee.  
“I don’t know what the future holds for us, whether we will see more hardships or less, but all I know is that I want to experience all of it with you…” Steve’s voice still quivered as he gazed beseechingly into Bucky’s disbelieving eyes but he clenched his jaw and continued, “I should have done this a long time ago…! If anything, I want us both tied down and hitched together before any other disasters."  
Bucky smiled at the last comment, although both of them knew that they were not safe from further sabotage.  
"Whatever happens, I want the world to know that we are together ‘til the end of the line… in the eyes of the law and otherwise. James Buchanan Barnes… my Bucky… will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”  
Producing a tiny box from his suit, Steve opened it and presented his mother's ring to Bucky. Bucky had not seen Sarah Rogers' ring in decades and memories washed over him.  
“Would you, Buck…? We can have it resized, if we have to. Ma would be proud if you wore it... I would be over the moon if you did,” Steve looked pained at the silence.  
Trying unsuccessfully to bite back a sob, Bucky nodded enthusiastically. As much as he wanted to scream _“YES!!!!!!”_ to the skies, he was effectively speechless and could only manage a strangled and meek _“yes…!”_.  
Joyous tears poured over their cheeks as they laughed in relief. Steve and Bucky crashed their lips together as they poured every drop of desperation and passion for each other into their kiss. Steve enveloped Bucky in a bear hug, twirling with him as they kissed.  
Whatever trouble that Fate might decide to throw at them, they were prepared to make their bond legal, for the security and rights as well as to declare to the world what they had wanted to declare since they were just sixteen: that they were in love with each other.

For the first time in seventy years, they both felt whole. 

_I think I know, I think I know, I think I know_

_[Chorus]  
I think I know why the dog howls at the moon  
I think I know why the dog howls at the moon  
I sing dela, dela  
Ngyanya  
Dela  
When I'm with you  
Dela, sondela mama  
Sondela, I burn for you_

Wanda and Vision were getting almost as much attention as Steve and Bucky, and the two grooms were among the people congratulating the expectant parents. Pietro continued to remark that he was still traumatized by how he found out, but he was ready to admit how happy that he was for his sister.

The gaggle of nieces and nephews to varying degrees had congregated around Steve and Bucky as they became reacquainted with Becky, some of them shy while others were starstruck by Captain America and one of his Commandos right in front of them. Steve and Bucky smiled, knowing that there would be fawning but just glad that the attention was friendly.  
“I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you, Becky,” Bucky murmured as he hugged his sister, worried that he might be holding her too strongly, “All that time that I could’ve been with you, I was serving a terrorist organization as a mindless assassin.”  
Becky tightened her grip on him, “You’re here now, Bucky. That’s all that matters…!”  
“I missed you too, Becky,” Steve joined their huddle.  
Although they were sad that they had missed so much time, had lost so many friends, Steve and Bucky nonetheless felt whole. They had gained so much in so short a time, and they had each other now. They were free to be themselves.  
“I’ve wanted to see this for years,” Becky admitted, “And I can’t tell you how happy I am that my big brother gets to marry the love of his life!”  
“I swear it’s a miracle,” Bucky wept as the three of them clung together.  
“Sap,” Steve inwardly cursed his habits.  
“Punk,” Bucky retorted with a laugh.  
“Jerk,” Steve chuckled before Bucky’s lips caught his own in a hearty kiss.  
“You realize that I’m right here, boys,” Becky looked at them sardonically, “But go ahead, don’t mind me.”  
“Sorry, Becky!”  
\-----  
The two grooms alternated between elegant waltzing and exuberant prancing in their dances together, both of them bursting with joy that this was happening for them. They could legitimately say that they had waited over seventy years for this moment that they had dreamed of since they first fell in love with each other.  
Steve and Bucky had never felt so happy in so long and they were drunk on seeing the smiles and hearing the laughter that they had missed so badly, like they were just those boys growing up in Brooklyn again. It had taken a lot of pain and sacrifice, but everything had been worth it. They were finally together, “’til the end of the line”.

_I've been waiting for you all my life hoping for a miracle  
I've been waiting day and night, day and night  
I've been waiting for you all my life waiting for redemption  
I've been waiting day and night, I burn for you_

_Sondela  
Sondela, mama  
Sondela, I burn for you_

_I've been waiting for you all my life hoping for a miracle  
I've been waiting day and night, day and night  
I've been waiting for you all my life waiting for redemption  
I've been waiting day and night, I burn for you_

_Burn for you, I burn for you  
Burn for you, I burn for you  
Burn for you, I burn for you  
Burn for you, I burn for you  
Burn for you, I burn for you  
Burn for you, I burn for you_

Fin


End file.
